I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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