You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
