Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Semen is not good for contacts.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
