Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
