im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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