I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
