oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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