OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
