just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pants are for mortals
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
