bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize