Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just gargled with NyQuil
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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