final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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