Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
