saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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