I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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