she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
