I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
