Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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