I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
