That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
