Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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