but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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