Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
