3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
