my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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