do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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