I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
