Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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