I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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