we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
