Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
