i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
