No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
