ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my shit smells like andre
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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