i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
