I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
