is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
