Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
