i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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