I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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