a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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