Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
