May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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