At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
