I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
