I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
