help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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