Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
