You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
