I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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