his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
