based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
