check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
