we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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