My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
