for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
