eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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