Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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