I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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