I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
