A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
