i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
